May 24, 2011 and thereafter

Oh my! What a day! And what a long time since I've written.. (sorry Ron) So many gaps of the past to fill in but for now will concentrate on current events.

Tuesday was an exciting, stressful, eventful day and thankfully all is well with me and mine. :) Circumstances happened that I had switched workdays with Melissa so I was home to be close to the tv, Amber and the storm cellar. The local station had warned early on that if you had plans that day, it was best to cancel if possible and stay close to family and a safe shelter.

That was odd.. they are usually on the side of optimistic if at all in doubt.

I got ready early. swept the storm cellar out (Amber had already put a radio with batteries inside from the last tornado scare, with a chair), bought new batteries for my lantern/flashlight, got treats for Daisy to coax her into her space that had her blankie and toy. She nervously watched from the steps like "hell no, you are NOT getting me in there again!"

I registered the storm cellar with the local fire dept. in case the area was hit and they needed to know where to find storm cellars that people might possibly be trapped in. (Most towns keep a list to register)

Called Mom and Earl and let them know we were prepared since I know how mom's mind works. No sense in letting her hear how bad things were going to get through the media, and they knew we were home and safe.

The storms fired up exactly where they predicted..and with the speed they were predicting! I think with Joplin being fresh in everyone's mind people had a healthy respect for the instability and speed that tornadoes can become deadly. Watching the news reports were unsettling, unnerving, and scary as hell. From the back patio I looked toward the clouds wondering when we should go in the storm cellar. Eerie quietness in between the hot muggy tossing of branches and leaves..birds being noisy one moment..eerily quiet the next.

Then I watched what I thought was a bird dive bombing or landing very strange. No wait..that was debris falling from the sky... (Many expletives escaped my mouth at that point) Storm cellar NOW! Thank goodness Camaron was here! He put Daisy in, completely against her will, Amber, me, Camaron and Barron. I thought I heard tornado sirens but wasn't sure. Didn't care..we didn't need them to tell us before the heavy rains and what sounded like hail hit fast and hard. But the storms did move through fast. There was reports of an elephant trunk tornado on Hwy 102 at Firelake Casino headed towards us and Jacktown but it seemed to lift somewhere in between us. It missed Lowe's in Shawnee (thank goodness!) and most people i know or talked to are safe.

Today I walked out on the property (a nice walk in the woods, part of my "play day" :) ) and found many scraps of paper, insulation, shreds of sheetrock, bits of peoples homes that I wonder if they are okay. I found bank records of a lady I found on facebook (50 miles away in Lindsay,still hoping she'll friend me), found a receipt for some farm related receipt in Dibble, all from the beginning of the paths of these tornadoes that day.

I also found some pages from a Bible, newspaper, a calendar.. the paper from sheetrock from someones room... the small chips of paint left on it was pink... from a little girls room maybe. Shreds of the smallest and seemingly insignificant parts of a house, scattered and strewn about the pasture and property to melt into the landscape never to be found.

I collected every bit I found. And wondered and worried about every pieces origin and hoped the families were as safe as mine.

My family is safe.. we made it and hope everyone else is doing okay

Love Sandy

Near Death Experience

Well, it's been a while since I've written but you know how it is. Things happen, things change, new routines develop then all of a sudden you realize what should be most important in life has been put on the back burner.

One thing not on the backburner is love. At least on my side :). It's been an absolute happy time and I want the future to continue to grow and become even happier. I have very hopeful feelings about it all :)

The "near death experience" that I was referring to is the stagnant position we tend to settle into through work, life, our personal growth, etc. Think back of how many years we may have been telling ourselves "some day I will write a book about..", or "My talents in jewelry making could become such a successful business if only I..", or "with a little effort and getting a few classes out of the way a job change is within my reach..." It's not an unreachable task, none of those are unreachable tasks. It just takes taking the steps forward. And not just one step, many steps, perhaps some side stepping, backtracking, but any change has to start out with the first step.

Without taking a first step to get out of a rut we risk putting blame on other things for our own predicament. There is a talent in multitasking but if piling so much on your plate is a way hiding from doing what you want to do, then prioritize. The things that matter must come to the forefront. Love in life, love of life, love of family, love of spirit, those are the things that matter. Those are the things that matter. Not putting off a job change because it's the stable thing to to do. Make a change that will lift the blockages to the things that matter most.

Back to the near death experience. I have made a positive change in health as well as loving and living life more fully. Quitting smoking over three months ago (hopefully for the last time!) was the best thing I could've done for myself and for the ones I love. To live to see my future grandchildren, and who knows? Maybe someday I will have more children in the future. :) You never know. But a couple of days ago I had an allergic reaction to something, still not sure what the reaction was to, but woke up with my face swelled up like a red blueberry and covered in a rash. My eyes were almost swelled shut so Amber took me to the hospital. After seeing the doctor he ordered a shot in the hip and while waiting for the shot to kick in I could feel my throat swell more and more. The allergic reaction kept escalating, then finally I could feel some relief. My throat wasn't as swollen and breathing became easier.

What if Amber hadn't taken me to the hospital when she did? What if I had decided to stick it out and ignore it? The doctor gave me an epi-pen (an anaphylaxis shot kit to carry with me) and said if it happened again, use it and call an ambulance and do not wait! He was very serious and truthfully it scared me.

I have had a close encounter with lightening, and of course the close calls with stupid drivers, now this. It seems it's time to improve my quality of life now. I've come this far and it feels awesome. Now I'm almost a vegetarian, don't smoke, live happier and love happily, now the work and income aspect needs to improve. It will just take some work and some first steps. Life's too short to not be doing what you love while spending time with the ones you love.

Who knows what will happen. All I know is if no steps are taken to get out of my own rut I have no one to blame but myself. And all things are possible and many things are possible all at once. One doesn't have to sacrifice happiness in one area to gain it in another.

More meditation, more walks, more relaxing and less stressing about things that don't matter.

One step at a time...

Veterans Day

After some somewhat gentle reminders and nudges this blog seemed to be calling again. (Thanks Ron!) And there was this nagging post that has been wanting to get out in words and no better time than now I suppose.

Tomorrow is Veterans Day. Most of you know my son is in the army and my youngest daughter is in the navy. My nephew is in the air force... Cassie's ex-fiance is in marine boot camp at the moment..(so I'll be taking over the world soon.. muu- aah-aah-aah!!!) Oh..sorry..focus..

These kids are just the newest generation of so many that have gone before them. And seeing how young a graduating class of recruits are I'm sure older veterans see much younger faces in the crowds than when they were in. Surely they're bringing them in younger each year! ;)

Each generation joins for different reasons. Sometimes the economy is not so good and the military seems a safe and structured "job" during peacetime or otherwise. The promise of college being paid for is a strong incentive but certainly not the only reason for enlisting.

Going backwards in time to the waves of soldiers that invested their lives for their country all had different reasons. Individual and unselfish reasons for joining the ranks. Ask any soldier, they didn't do it for the money. Of course we could re-hash old wounds here about all the different wars. Was each war really worth it? It all seemed a good idea at the time but so much went on behind closed doors I doubt anyone will ever have all the answers to satisfy the ones who would like to blame specific individuals for each war or conflict or "police action". And I did not pay attention to this section of history in school (was probably drawing during class) so I won't pretend to be any sort of historian.

Peace and passivity are wonderful attributes. But what if all the countries and governments had kept that attitude when Hitler was rounding up Jews and invading and taking over countries in Europe during WWII? And The Great War? Wow! If that one had not turned out the way it did the world would be a completely different place! And the Civil War? The United States would not be united most likely. The Revolutionary War? The British are very nice people but ..well, we've always not liked to be told what to do. That's kind of in our nature :)

So people can bash every war, picking it apart like a carcass trying to find blame and point bony fingers of "It's his fault!" or "What were they thinking?" or "If no one picked up a gun, no one would get hurt!" But it has happened over and over throughout history, for better or worse. It's hard to hear that war actually can make things better but face it. Things could've turned out so much worse had young soldiers kept the peaceful and passive attitude that we'd all like to see the world in.

At work my store gives military discounts to soldiers and veterans. 10% off isn't much but it means something to be acknowledged. A couple of weeks ago a veteran came in and asked for his military discount but he had forgot his card. He also had 100% disabled veteran tax exemption so I said sure and gave it to him. He said "I worked very hard for that card." I said I'll bet you did and asked what war he served in. He told me he was in Vietnam and spent 2 years in a POW camp. Now it's not easy for soldiers to talk about the past like that so I knew to tread lightly as I coaxed his story out little by little. He said he was in a camp with many other soldiers like him and they beat him everyday for 2 years. I asked him what it was like when he got to come home and he said when he stepped off the plane he was spit upon by demonstrators. He had pain in his eyes as he was telling me this but said it all in a matter-of-fact voice like it was just something that happened. I asked if he had grandkids and did they know he went through all that? He said, "Oh no, this generation wouldn't understand." I said, "You should tell them. They need to know."

The line was getting long and reluctantly we had to say good bye. I shook his hand very firmly and looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you!" and he knew I didn't mean for shopping at Lowes. He smiled very big and left.

I love hearing about projects people do when they record stories of veterans. Their stories are only known to them and it's a great loss to all when we really don't know what veterans have gone through so we can demonstrate. I hope that veteran will tell his grandkids about it. He might be surprised at this new generation of soldiers. At least the ones I know are pretty bad-ass!

Just don't ever spit on a soldier. A hand shake and "Thank you" will do quite nice.

A Fantastic Summer

This summer has been filled with magic...walks in the woods, exploring natural springs with Don. Butterflies, dragonflies and fairies dancing in the moonlight...shooting stars, fireflies and all good things magical have been going on it seems all along. It just took all the right circumstances and timing to be noticed and appreciated :)

The Reason for Coming to Oklahoma

Sorry it's been so long since writing last. There'll be more catching up later but all has been great! (Fantastic really!) Getting things done around the place, getting out again and enjoying life (how ironic as I'm posting pictures of headstones!), well over the pneumonia and feeling much, much better these days, just busy. And happy :)

Cassie is back home next door living with Amber and Camaron. Cassie made it out of Pensecola, Florida just in time to keep a memory of pristine white sandy beaches, but with a faint smell of oil. I believe the oil clumps started landing a few days after she left.

Camaron graduated from pharmacy school as a doctor and should start working at the Indian clinic towards the end of the month. They are keeping the garden well taken care of and enjoying a little vacation for now. And Randall is still doing fine in the army. He just got his tattoo touched up (it needed something..) and he got another one but hasn't told me about it. I'll pretend to be surprised :)

Anyway, back to the point. Cassie had been away for quite some time thus most likely spent a lot of time thinking about home. After she had been here a week or so she came over with a bouquet of flowers and asked if I wanted to go with her to see Raymonds' grave. (Raymond is Randy's grandpa who was up in years and alone out in Oklahoma. When his health got bad we moved out here from California 10 years ago.)

It had been at least a couple of years since I had been to see it so we went. I'm not sure why it took this long. It's not like the drive is long, it just was one of those things that kept getting put off.

Cassie had thought about him a lot, knowing how proud Raymond would be of her joining the navy. All the kids would make him proud! She just wanted to see him and talk to him in her own way.

I did too. I have done a lot of whining over the years of being in a predicament of being out here without my family, especially after the divorce. But as the years go by it is turned to a half-hearted-semi-complaining. How in the world would my life be and the lives of my kids had we not made the move to come out here for Raymond? I love living in the country, having a spoiled cow, knowing my kids turned out so well and secure in their lives. And the chance to meet the people I have (especially recently) . Who knows how different life would be? I'm really done with whining about things. :)

What Cassie said to Raymond is her business, I didn't ask. What I told Raymond was thank you. A genuine heart felt thank you. And I think he smiled.

Glimpses from a thoughtful day

The Dance of the Fireflies

After many attempts this was the closest to capturing the fireflies on camera tonight.

You should've seen them! I would like to say there were thousands out tonight! Starting with the drive home after this long week, but the weeks seem longer nowadays for some reason.

They were like guiding me home, the drive that has been the same drive home for the past five years, only tonight they were out in full force. Like saying, "This way...lets play when you get home! We'll show you the way!"

They seem to know their home is offset from the house, out in the peace near ponds and away from the highway and house and dogs and cats. Playfully dancing to the music of crickets and bullfrogs and the nighttime birds. The warm, damp weather along with the weather settling down now ("It's safe to come out guys! The wind has stopped so lets party!")

It's like they made their own bonfire out of themselves out in the woods. Dancing, flying, swirling, scattering light in the most amazing episode of light display, showing off talents of creativity only a tribe of beings in the wild can produce. To be a spectator of the show was an honor tonight. To be included and even have the most curious of them barely creep close, for a glimpse of ME! While I tried so hard to record a glimpse of THEM to show the world! One picture out of all of them barely brushed the scene I saw tonight. It will have to do.

My own vision of the scene, even though it was so much more detailed than yours, doesn't do justice to the incredible display of light interacting with light. I couldn't see the process of interaction that was made between one light and another, and another, and another... The lights dancing over their own reflections on the ponds, trading partners to continue the dance until the right one came along...

Bullfrogs singing a baritone sound while crickets and whipporwils sing the high notes. The dance will continue until sunrise for sure. What a party! I would sleep in the hammock on the patio and listen to it all night if I weren't so tired.

It was enough to watch fireflies dance on a Saturday night to the best music of all!

I'm sure owls are watching from a distance.

G'night all! Hope there's lots of sweet dreams involved!

Sandy