Gone Fishing

I love the last couple of days schedule..off work in time to go fishing out at the big pond. She's usually SO excited just to go on the daily walk anyway! The minute I walk in the door after work she's running circles around me and when she sees me getting my gun and putting on the walking shoes she's an absolute mess of excited doberman! Running back and forth as I load up the fishing backpack, going back for something else, then again for something else (the anticipation just kills her!)

FINALLY heading out the door she bursts through chasing kittens and momma cat, then running to the chicken coop to bark through the wire in her usual show, the chickens and rooster fight back with their own pecks knowing she's a just a little drama queen, just letting them know their place while she heads out to the pond on a walk again :).. Racing ahead, over the levee, off on trails of scents left and right, stopping only to look back and make sure I'm still following.

She lives for this... :)

Me too.. :)

Walking past the 100 year old pear tree (at least) that made it through the drought and harsh summer (which was not as lucky as the big willow tree over the chicken coop..but that's another story)

We walk on, watching the sun still high enough to promise a little more light to fish by, a few early monarchs (a sign of an early winter I'm told) but not a lot of birds and no deer surprised by us. The pond is hopping with signs of fish biting, BIGTIME! Yay! :)

Setting the pole, backpack, beer (of course) on some rocks to start baiting the hook with nightcrawlers (someday I will have a worm bed next to the compost pile..someday..), back turned to the pond, I hear a SPLASH!!!

A BIG splash from a super huge fish! "Oh you're just taunting me.." Oh yes..it's on...

Back turned...ANOTHER big splash! What the heck?! Turtles high diving off of the dead sticks sticking out of the water? I start thinking about the large shadow in the water I had seen the week or so before and jokingly thought it might be a croccadile. It's been known to have them show up in ponds in Oklahoma. No...couldn't be a croccadile.. most likely not..

Then finally facing the pond while finishing the baiting of the hook, it happened.. Big splash out of nowhere..nothing leaped out of the water and I saw something floating on the surface..with two eyes looking at me.. One eye blinked so I knew it wasn't a turtle. It floated a long body of a shadow behind it so I was watching its every move ..Daisy oblivious to everything while she darted through the trees..

Then I saw the beaver flip its tail in obvious warning to me, with a conviction he would stand his ground and defend his pond. Once we made eye contact he swam around, watching as I fished, caught 4 perch today, he didn't bother me and I didn't bother him. He swam like an otter but didn't do anymore tail slapping warnings on the water. He just hung out, keeping an eye on me..

We've seen signs of beaver dropping trees around the pond. Usually they don't take more than they need to make a house. I'm sure the ecosystem of a beaver contributes to the health of the pond so I never thought about drawing my gun on it. I've even named him "Braveheart". He seemed to be more worried about me harming the pond (or HIS pond anyway) so I think he's earned a right as the caretaker. I do need to talk to Amber and Camaron about letting this caretaker stay with a reprieve long enough to prove himself as a worthy guardian of the Big Pond. He really seems worthy...

The sun was setting low...Daisy was getting worried about the darkness coming on.. curled up by the fishing tackle ready to go home so we packed up. I stopped at the edge of the pond, looked at the beaver that was still floating...watching me closely. I sent a protective prayer to him and asked Spirit to watch over him and goodbye..

As I turned away he slapped the water loudly with his tail and was off...

me too... ;)

Women In the Kitchen... (plus Camaron) :)

Monday's Harvest Moon seems a fitting time for this weeks activities and the somewhat sporadic entries here. (sorry Ron, but better late than never :)~)

Amber has been getting right into figuring out the canning process now that she has all the equipment, researching recipes to the letter and having all the "why's" and "why nots" of canning all figured out before the set up all began.

Today she and Camaron borrowed Betty's truck and got a load of pine for me from Mary. (Thank you Mary!) Their tree was another casualty to the harsh summer of '11, but it is a good start to my wood pile and I am very thankful for it! After that Amber had all the ingredients for canning salsa so we went to work on that once we got back.

There is so much involved in canning, a simple process really but a lot of timed and choreographic efforts in the kitchen that's not an easy task for just one person. I did my part cutting up cilantro, garlic, onions, peppers...Amber blanched the tomatoes and chopped those up...Camaron cut up the jalepenos and wax peppers... It just all came together so nice :)

It reminded me so much though of Sundays at Grandmas, when sometimes it just happened that lots of aunts and uncles and cousins seemed to pop into Grandmas and Grandpas all at the same time. The usual Sunday dinner was a pot of beans with salt pork, the famous fried chicken, corn bread, and probably fried potatoes, green beans. The smells of Sunday dinner at Grandmas are imbedded in my dna and my psyche. But all the rest of it are memories..some strong, some distant and fleeting.

The hustle and bustle of aunts running around the kitchen like ants. The cousins, boys and girls alike trying to sneak in the ice box to get a glass of the sweetest ice tea ever made, always at least two pitchers ready made and ice cold. And of course while we were there Grandma always had candy hiding in the ice box for grandkids :). Orange peanut candies, those chocolate drops that us kids weren't allowed to call what the adults called them (for obvious reasons), those pink wintergreen candies, all were fair game since Grandma put them there.

With so many cousins, aunts, uncles, moms and dads in and out of the house, doors wide open, every fly swatter was being put to good use by us kids. Sneaking into the kitchen to see if the fried chicken was done..pretending to not be looking and going on into the laundry room. As if they didn't know.. The old wringer washer Grandma used for so long was always in that musty smelling laundry room. Eventually Grandma got a "modern washer".

I'll never forget when the family got together and put in an indoor bathroom and no more outhouse! Yay! The outhouse may be the source of past childhood trauma.. I'm not sure...

All the uncles, dads, older boy cousins on the front porch talking, waiting for dinner to be done. The summer heat was never as bad in the shade of the front porch. From there you could watch everyone coming or going down the street. We could listen to the adults talk..discern how much time we had before dinner...take a walk with cousins down the alley, taste a little bit of wild licorice that was growing, go to the little store that had penny candy when it was 2-5cents, and they would take soda bottles we found along the way as trade ins. Marveling at the cost of a payphone going up to a dime!!! But then, it was time to get back home with our candy and see if dinner was ready.

And it was..everyone grabbed a plate...got in line .. in antlike perfect disorganized chaos. And it was good... so very good...

But the clean up process.. now that was what got me started on the whole kitchen situation. There seemed to be an unwritten rule that if the lady of the house opened up her kitchen to family, the ladies of the clan never left the kitchen with even one dish dirty. That was just how it was. The hustle and bustle of cooking was one thing...but the hustle and bustle of cleaning up afterwards was the finale'. I remember vaguely boy cousins helping out now and then, but I mostly remember standing at the sink (vague memories of standing on something to be tall enough to reach the sink) one dishpan of soapy water to wash, one dishpan to rinse, grumbling because the boys got to hang out with the uncles and not have to help... ("why did us girls always have to do all the work?") But the aunts always had such stories going on in the background for us to try to pick up on :)

The old dish water was strewn across the garden area, or just the yard. Same as the scraps since there were no chickens. But once the kitchen was clean... the dishes dried with old flour sack towels then left to hang on rusty nails to dry over emptied old enameled dishpans. Aaahhh... now the aunts and other girls could visit on the porch with the boys now that the work was done.

There usually wasn't enough time by then to go swimming with the big cousins at the canals but we could walk around the small town of Traver, California, at least until it was time to go home. We left after a nice Sunday visit of lots of family, wonderful food, wonderful girl -family-kitchen interaction (which is the most amazing bonding interaction from generation to generation)

Girls gathering in the kitchen just didn't seem to know they were passers on of girl secrets to the next generation. We just didn't know it was all being passed on down to us at the time. But we were just part of the girls if we helped with the washing and drying. It's just the way it was back then.

Summer Dormancy

Oh my ...the heat...

the relentless heat.

It just seems to have been escalating for some time. Who'd o' thunk the year would have turned as it did?

This heat, 30? 40? days now? The record is 50 100 degree days in 1983. We're likely to break it still being in July. Bambi is doing pretty fine with the amount of pasture to eat on now, but I'm hearing cattle will need to be fed EARLY this year, and that's IF they can find a grower that hasn't been hit by the drought with no hay to sell!

Walking out to the ponds this evening I didn't see Bambi tonight. The fences are good so I'm sure she's fine. She's been out to say hi close to the house then off she goes as usual. People are saying the heat is cooking the grass at an enormous rate so she's probably foraging quite nicely. Grasshoppers are CRAZY this year!!! Luckily they've stayed clear of the garden but the flowers are fair game. If the grasshoppers could only be trained to mow the lawn.. :)

The pond has such a layer of green over it, not moss but that layer of tiny leaves that float on the water. But the SMELL of the grass was so sweet and fragrant this evening... I didn't walk far but it was far enough to inhale the heat of summer permeating off the native plants baking..no, sauteing in the humidity.

We found the feathers of the hen that I had to let loose because she was so henpecked on her scalp (chickens just do that when they decide a pecking order). I didn't have the heart to put her down so just had to let her go loose and probably a coyote got her. I've been told to watch for coyotes..

And then there is Barron.

That baby doll of a dog that thought Daisy was a Goddess, following and worshiping her every move... was hit by a car this week. Amber, Camaron, me and Daisy and the rest are very devastated. Daisy went everywhere with him. She is so sad after losing her best friend. They were the most odd couple and since he is gone she has been so depressed...

On a HAPPIER note!!

Amber and Camaron got married!!! They drove all the way to Lake Tahoe and got married at the chapel that me and my ex got married at, my mom and Earl got married at, AND her Aunt Rita and Jay got married at! It was a whirlwind vacation and the reception out here is coming. :) Woot Woot!!

Summer 2011

Summer night on the 4th of July

Aaahh.. finally home from work.

A rushed exit after a rushed and hurried day. My weekend off went by too fast, not a lot to show for it but went swimming at Bettys, got the garden perked up with soaker hoses and a boost of good soil, even found time to meditate and made salsa for the potluck today.

Today just seemed so ... I don't know.

Coming home to Daisy lifted my spirits. She doesn't take well to the sounds of fireworks (or gunshots, or thunder, etc..) She's been by my side all night, protecting me of course! We went out to watch the fireworks this evening, just before sunset.

The sky changed color by the minute, no..by the second! Blue to pink to orange..the distant pockets of thunder showers were too far away bring any relief by way of rain, but they made for a nice sunset on the horizon none the less. The fireworks started early, seems like it's earlier every year. The whiporwills were calling their songs back and forth, bullfrogs from the pond by the barn were calling to bullfrogs in the little pond, who croaked back again their call...and it went on and on... :)

The silloette of the weeping willow towering over the chicken coop, as roosters crowed (yes there are two of them and they have "an understanding") but still insist on crowing competition. (For the record, the little rooster is over compensating with his voice, not judging, just sayin )

The crescent moon is shining brighter through the willow branches, waxing on it's way to a full moon in a couple of weeks. In the mean time the air smells of summer. You can breath in the scent of hot grass that has been baking through another day of 100 degrees or better, ..another one! Yesterday was 104 and something about the air in the summer evenings as it cools gives off the smell of summer. The plants tell you, "yeah, it was HOT again today but smell this! We adapt!" And so, they teach us to adapt through smell. We seem to forget every year, forgetting with each season's harshness, whining about how "bad" this or that season is, the plants remind us that this is how it is every year. The sounds, smells, feelings, remembrances, fireflies, the air nudging you to inhale deeply and remember! Then a heron flew over, solitary, (odd, I never see them fly in pairs, just alone) on his way to where he would settle for the night.

The fireworks continued to peak. Daisy at my feet turning her head towards each direction, not so much "oohing and aaahhhing" just noticing. Then looking up at me, like "have you had your fill yet?" It was funny that she at least watched them with me by my side.

I put misters around the patio now, an extra air conditioner in the kitchen since the house got to over 90 degrees inside with these 100 degree days. It's comfy now. It's quiet though. Work is work but the time spent at the art gallery was amazingly like fireworks. The fireworks that shot up high in the sky, exploding with peacock tails in every burst. Cloud formations of dragon shapes watching in awe as each exploded in random direction.

I want to be that burst of light in the middle of those fireworks...

Best vacation EVER!!

Greetings Knights and Damsels!

Oh wait.. I'm back at home now :)

Let me fill you in on how I got here. While job hunting I stopped at the local art museum. Mostly to wander around and soak up the art for a "me day." I asked about any job openings but the only positions available were volunteering at the museum. There was a Creative Art Camp for kids for four different weeks this summer. The first was "Recycled Art" (last week), but this week "Knights and Damsels" I had time to request off for vacation to volunteer for the whole week! It's all about merging art and creativity with the history of the Middle Ages. The age group for the morning class is 5-8 yrs old, and the afternoon class is 9-13 yrs old.

I am having an absolute BLAST! The first day was a walk through the museum to see the art from that time period, 1 hour to do art projects, then a walk to the "castle" which is the monastery or church there (it's an old catholic monastery/college). Then the second hour is play practice! "St. George and the Dragon" based on a play from the middle ages! (Oh! And we also played "Ring around the Rosy" on the lawn and told the kids that was a game kids played back then and has been played hundreds of years!

The chance to just play all week has been amazing! To practice screaming and running off stage with 3 princesses was awesome! Then.. when the three boys playing the dragon started chasing us around stage...screaming...as loud as we wanted to... then they were still chasing us...so we screamed and ran more ...until we couldn't run anymore...and we were so out of breath from laughing...and screaming...and ran one more time.. and they were STILL on our heals...so the boys won (but we didn't tell them they won) aaahhh...what a day :)

Then MORE art projects...and the chance to get to know theses awesome kids even more! Like Tessa that came in quietly on the first day and pulled a chair to a table away from everyone else by herself. I pulled up a chair next to her and started helping her. Once she got her bearings she was perhaps the most outgoing one in the class! There were the identical twins we had to kind of ask what his brothers name was so we could figure out who we were talking to.. ;) Hey, whatever works..

One in the youngest class told me he's been in newspapers, on the news, won awards for his art capabilities but is afraid he's done it all and will run out of ideas for art..(he will be going places!) Two in the older crowd I predict will be quite the actors in the future (maybe even Dungeons & Dragons Masters someday).

To see artists and creative souls in this state, in a truly unlimited potential is so amazing to me! I want to teach art to kids for a living. Or just for free... I don't care. This has just been an amazing experience. Maybe someday..

Tomorrow is the final performance for friends and family. (Helana is ecstatic her grandma is coming all the way from Texas to see it!) And of course the display of all the artwork they have worked so hard on! The shields, tunic, stained glass project, endless painting.. kids can be so artistic if given the means. Seeing their personalities come through in their projects is surprising... The ones that are restless and fidgity can surprisingly become meticulous and perfectionistic in their art projects.

It's all about individuality and accommodating each one to be his own. But isn't that what we all want? And basically, isn't that what we all need? No matter what our age...

Have a wonderful day
And smile and play too
Love Sandy

May 24, 2011 and thereafter

Oh my! What a day! And what a long time since I've written.. (sorry Ron) So many gaps of the past to fill in but for now will concentrate on current events.

Tuesday was an exciting, stressful, eventful day and thankfully all is well with me and mine. :) Circumstances happened that I had switched workdays with Melissa so I was home to be close to the tv, Amber and the storm cellar. The local station had warned early on that if you had plans that day, it was best to cancel if possible and stay close to family and a safe shelter.

That was odd.. they are usually on the side of optimistic if at all in doubt.

I got ready early. swept the storm cellar out (Amber had already put a radio with batteries inside from the last tornado scare, with a chair), bought new batteries for my lantern/flashlight, got treats for Daisy to coax her into her space that had her blankie and toy. She nervously watched from the steps like "hell no, you are NOT getting me in there again!"

I registered the storm cellar with the local fire dept. in case the area was hit and they needed to know where to find storm cellars that people might possibly be trapped in. (Most towns keep a list to register)

Called Mom and Earl and let them know we were prepared since I know how mom's mind works. No sense in letting her hear how bad things were going to get through the media, and they knew we were home and safe.

The storms fired up exactly where they predicted..and with the speed they were predicting! I think with Joplin being fresh in everyone's mind people had a healthy respect for the instability and speed that tornadoes can become deadly. Watching the news reports were unsettling, unnerving, and scary as hell. From the back patio I looked toward the clouds wondering when we should go in the storm cellar. Eerie quietness in between the hot muggy tossing of branches and leaves..birds being noisy one moment..eerily quiet the next.

Then I watched what I thought was a bird dive bombing or landing very strange. No wait..that was debris falling from the sky... (Many expletives escaped my mouth at that point) Storm cellar NOW! Thank goodness Camaron was here! He put Daisy in, completely against her will, Amber, me, Camaron and Barron. I thought I heard tornado sirens but wasn't sure. Didn't care..we didn't need them to tell us before the heavy rains and what sounded like hail hit fast and hard. But the storms did move through fast. There was reports of an elephant trunk tornado on Hwy 102 at Firelake Casino headed towards us and Jacktown but it seemed to lift somewhere in between us. It missed Lowe's in Shawnee (thank goodness!) and most people i know or talked to are safe.

Today I walked out on the property (a nice walk in the woods, part of my "play day" :) ) and found many scraps of paper, insulation, shreds of sheetrock, bits of peoples homes that I wonder if they are okay. I found bank records of a lady I found on facebook (50 miles away in Lindsay,still hoping she'll friend me), found a receipt for some farm related receipt in Dibble, all from the beginning of the paths of these tornadoes that day.

I also found some pages from a Bible, newspaper, a calendar.. the paper from sheetrock from someones room... the small chips of paint left on it was pink... from a little girls room maybe. Shreds of the smallest and seemingly insignificant parts of a house, scattered and strewn about the pasture and property to melt into the landscape never to be found.

I collected every bit I found. And wondered and worried about every pieces origin and hoped the families were as safe as mine.

My family is safe.. we made it and hope everyone else is doing okay

Love Sandy

Near Death Experience

Well, it's been a while since I've written but you know how it is. Things happen, things change, new routines develop then all of a sudden you realize what should be most important in life has been put on the back burner.

One thing not on the backburner is love. At least on my side :). It's been an absolute happy time and I want the future to continue to grow and become even happier. I have very hopeful feelings about it all :)

The "near death experience" that I was referring to is the stagnant position we tend to settle into through work, life, our personal growth, etc. Think back of how many years we may have been telling ourselves "some day I will write a book about..", or "My talents in jewelry making could become such a successful business if only I..", or "with a little effort and getting a few classes out of the way a job change is within my reach..." It's not an unreachable task, none of those are unreachable tasks. It just takes taking the steps forward. And not just one step, many steps, perhaps some side stepping, backtracking, but any change has to start out with the first step.

Without taking a first step to get out of a rut we risk putting blame on other things for our own predicament. There is a talent in multitasking but if piling so much on your plate is a way hiding from doing what you want to do, then prioritize. The things that matter must come to the forefront. Love in life, love of life, love of family, love of spirit, those are the things that matter. Those are the things that matter. Not putting off a job change because it's the stable thing to to do. Make a change that will lift the blockages to the things that matter most.

Back to the near death experience. I have made a positive change in health as well as loving and living life more fully. Quitting smoking over three months ago (hopefully for the last time!) was the best thing I could've done for myself and for the ones I love. To live to see my future grandchildren, and who knows? Maybe someday I will have more children in the future. :) You never know. But a couple of days ago I had an allergic reaction to something, still not sure what the reaction was to, but woke up with my face swelled up like a red blueberry and covered in a rash. My eyes were almost swelled shut so Amber took me to the hospital. After seeing the doctor he ordered a shot in the hip and while waiting for the shot to kick in I could feel my throat swell more and more. The allergic reaction kept escalating, then finally I could feel some relief. My throat wasn't as swollen and breathing became easier.

What if Amber hadn't taken me to the hospital when she did? What if I had decided to stick it out and ignore it? The doctor gave me an epi-pen (an anaphylaxis shot kit to carry with me) and said if it happened again, use it and call an ambulance and do not wait! He was very serious and truthfully it scared me.

I have had a close encounter with lightening, and of course the close calls with stupid drivers, now this. It seems it's time to improve my quality of life now. I've come this far and it feels awesome. Now I'm almost a vegetarian, don't smoke, live happier and love happily, now the work and income aspect needs to improve. It will just take some work and some first steps. Life's too short to not be doing what you love while spending time with the ones you love.

Who knows what will happen. All I know is if no steps are taken to get out of my own rut I have no one to blame but myself. And all things are possible and many things are possible all at once. One doesn't have to sacrifice happiness in one area to gain it in another.

More meditation, more walks, more relaxing and less stressing about things that don't matter.

One step at a time...

Veterans Day

After some somewhat gentle reminders and nudges this blog seemed to be calling again. (Thanks Ron!) And there was this nagging post that has been wanting to get out in words and no better time than now I suppose.

Tomorrow is Veterans Day. Most of you know my son is in the army and my youngest daughter is in the navy. My nephew is in the air force... Cassie's ex-fiance is in marine boot camp at the moment..(so I'll be taking over the world soon.. muu- aah-aah-aah!!!) Oh..sorry..focus..

These kids are just the newest generation of so many that have gone before them. And seeing how young a graduating class of recruits are I'm sure older veterans see much younger faces in the crowds than when they were in. Surely they're bringing them in younger each year! ;)

Each generation joins for different reasons. Sometimes the economy is not so good and the military seems a safe and structured "job" during peacetime or otherwise. The promise of college being paid for is a strong incentive but certainly not the only reason for enlisting.

Going backwards in time to the waves of soldiers that invested their lives for their country all had different reasons. Individual and unselfish reasons for joining the ranks. Ask any soldier, they didn't do it for the money. Of course we could re-hash old wounds here about all the different wars. Was each war really worth it? It all seemed a good idea at the time but so much went on behind closed doors I doubt anyone will ever have all the answers to satisfy the ones who would like to blame specific individuals for each war or conflict or "police action". And I did not pay attention to this section of history in school (was probably drawing during class) so I won't pretend to be any sort of historian.

Peace and passivity are wonderful attributes. But what if all the countries and governments had kept that attitude when Hitler was rounding up Jews and invading and taking over countries in Europe during WWII? And The Great War? Wow! If that one had not turned out the way it did the world would be a completely different place! And the Civil War? The United States would not be united most likely. The Revolutionary War? The British are very nice people but ..well, we've always not liked to be told what to do. That's kind of in our nature :)

So people can bash every war, picking it apart like a carcass trying to find blame and point bony fingers of "It's his fault!" or "What were they thinking?" or "If no one picked up a gun, no one would get hurt!" But it has happened over and over throughout history, for better or worse. It's hard to hear that war actually can make things better but face it. Things could've turned out so much worse had young soldiers kept the peaceful and passive attitude that we'd all like to see the world in.

At work my store gives military discounts to soldiers and veterans. 10% off isn't much but it means something to be acknowledged. A couple of weeks ago a veteran came in and asked for his military discount but he had forgot his card. He also had 100% disabled veteran tax exemption so I said sure and gave it to him. He said "I worked very hard for that card." I said I'll bet you did and asked what war he served in. He told me he was in Vietnam and spent 2 years in a POW camp. Now it's not easy for soldiers to talk about the past like that so I knew to tread lightly as I coaxed his story out little by little. He said he was in a camp with many other soldiers like him and they beat him everyday for 2 years. I asked him what it was like when he got to come home and he said when he stepped off the plane he was spit upon by demonstrators. He had pain in his eyes as he was telling me this but said it all in a matter-of-fact voice like it was just something that happened. I asked if he had grandkids and did they know he went through all that? He said, "Oh no, this generation wouldn't understand." I said, "You should tell them. They need to know."

The line was getting long and reluctantly we had to say good bye. I shook his hand very firmly and looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you!" and he knew I didn't mean for shopping at Lowes. He smiled very big and left.

I love hearing about projects people do when they record stories of veterans. Their stories are only known to them and it's a great loss to all when we really don't know what veterans have gone through so we can demonstrate. I hope that veteran will tell his grandkids about it. He might be surprised at this new generation of soldiers. At least the ones I know are pretty bad-ass!

Just don't ever spit on a soldier. A hand shake and "Thank you" will do quite nice.

A Fantastic Summer

This summer has been filled with magic...walks in the woods, exploring natural springs with Don. Butterflies, dragonflies and fairies dancing in the moonlight...shooting stars, fireflies and all good things magical have been going on it seems all along. It just took all the right circumstances and timing to be noticed and appreciated :)

The Reason for Coming to Oklahoma

Sorry it's been so long since writing last. There'll be more catching up later but all has been great! (Fantastic really!) Getting things done around the place, getting out again and enjoying life (how ironic as I'm posting pictures of headstones!), well over the pneumonia and feeling much, much better these days, just busy. And happy :)

Cassie is back home next door living with Amber and Camaron. Cassie made it out of Pensecola, Florida just in time to keep a memory of pristine white sandy beaches, but with a faint smell of oil. I believe the oil clumps started landing a few days after she left.

Camaron graduated from pharmacy school as a doctor and should start working at the Indian clinic towards the end of the month. They are keeping the garden well taken care of and enjoying a little vacation for now. And Randall is still doing fine in the army. He just got his tattoo touched up (it needed something..) and he got another one but hasn't told me about it. I'll pretend to be surprised :)

Anyway, back to the point. Cassie had been away for quite some time thus most likely spent a lot of time thinking about home. After she had been here a week or so she came over with a bouquet of flowers and asked if I wanted to go with her to see Raymonds' grave. (Raymond is Randy's grandpa who was up in years and alone out in Oklahoma. When his health got bad we moved out here from California 10 years ago.)

It had been at least a couple of years since I had been to see it so we went. I'm not sure why it took this long. It's not like the drive is long, it just was one of those things that kept getting put off.

Cassie had thought about him a lot, knowing how proud Raymond would be of her joining the navy. All the kids would make him proud! She just wanted to see him and talk to him in her own way.

I did too. I have done a lot of whining over the years of being in a predicament of being out here without my family, especially after the divorce. But as the years go by it is turned to a half-hearted-semi-complaining. How in the world would my life be and the lives of my kids had we not made the move to come out here for Raymond? I love living in the country, having a spoiled cow, knowing my kids turned out so well and secure in their lives. And the chance to meet the people I have (especially recently) . Who knows how different life would be? I'm really done with whining about things. :)

What Cassie said to Raymond is her business, I didn't ask. What I told Raymond was thank you. A genuine heart felt thank you. And I think he smiled.

Glimpses from a thoughtful day

The Dance of the Fireflies

After many attempts this was the closest to capturing the fireflies on camera tonight.

You should've seen them! I would like to say there were thousands out tonight! Starting with the drive home after this long week, but the weeks seem longer nowadays for some reason.

They were like guiding me home, the drive that has been the same drive home for the past five years, only tonight they were out in full force. Like saying, "This way...lets play when you get home! We'll show you the way!"

They seem to know their home is offset from the house, out in the peace near ponds and away from the highway and house and dogs and cats. Playfully dancing to the music of crickets and bullfrogs and the nighttime birds. The warm, damp weather along with the weather settling down now ("It's safe to come out guys! The wind has stopped so lets party!")

It's like they made their own bonfire out of themselves out in the woods. Dancing, flying, swirling, scattering light in the most amazing episode of light display, showing off talents of creativity only a tribe of beings in the wild can produce. To be a spectator of the show was an honor tonight. To be included and even have the most curious of them barely creep close, for a glimpse of ME! While I tried so hard to record a glimpse of THEM to show the world! One picture out of all of them barely brushed the scene I saw tonight. It will have to do.

My own vision of the scene, even though it was so much more detailed than yours, doesn't do justice to the incredible display of light interacting with light. I couldn't see the process of interaction that was made between one light and another, and another, and another... The lights dancing over their own reflections on the ponds, trading partners to continue the dance until the right one came along...

Bullfrogs singing a baritone sound while crickets and whipporwils sing the high notes. The dance will continue until sunrise for sure. What a party! I would sleep in the hammock on the patio and listen to it all night if I weren't so tired.

It was enough to watch fireflies dance on a Saturday night to the best music of all!

I'm sure owls are watching from a distance.

G'night all! Hope there's lots of sweet dreams involved!

Sandy

Tornado Video

Hopefully this will work. All week has been bad but Monday was the worst for tornadoes. 37 officially counted right now and 2 deaths.

Amber was at home thankfully and got into the storm cellar with some friends when she heard the tornado sirens go off. No damage here though. I was at work when the tornado sirens went off and we immediately locked the doors and sent employees and customers to the back hallway (our "safe zone"). The managers stayed at the front and I heard later the vaccum from the wind was straining the doors in, then out, with only the locks holding them closed. It must have been right over us just not dropped down.

For hours one would pass by then we'd hear of another on the ground headed for us again. We were literally surrounded by them. Power kept flickering on and off and we had people lined up in the hallway that stayed for quite a while waiting it out. One couple stopped in from traveling down I40 and her mutantly giant cat got loose in the store! They eventually got it though.

After we reopened people began pouring in. Customer after customer saying their house had been taken out by a tornado, or their roofs ripped off scrambling to get plywood and tarps before the next storm hit. One guys' car windows were shattered from baseball size hail (yes, it really does get that big! My car has pit marks from golf ball size hail!) That night we just left the doors open until people stopped coming in. We didn't turn anyone away.

Being in retail it's become such a natural greeting while ringing up customers to say, "Hi! How're you doing?" (with a perky little smile) I've really got to change that. When a tired mom, buying batteries and flashlights, with all the kids since the schools don't have power, they haven't had water or electricity, even worse, lost their house... well, they look they give back says it all. So many people have been affected by this. Nerves are shot.

Yesterday there were still over 14,000 homes without power. Our store sold over 400 generators by mid afternoon. And on top of that, the local Walmart lost their power that Monday. The contractor that came to hook up the generator for them did it wrong and COMPLETELY fried the entire stores' electrical system! I heard it would be another two weeks before they could reopen but when I drove past today it looked like the doors were open but the building was dark.

A girl at work heard the sirens go off so she grabbed the cat and went into her storm cellar. Her neighbors came right after her, they door was sucked open, he shoved his wife in and had a hard time closing the door behind them then as soon as it was closed the tornado hit. Her two story house is now a one story pile of rubble. But at least they are all safe.

I just can't believe how scared people are out here of earthquakes but tornadoes are no problem because "at least you can get underground away from them." Then there's Haiti. And the earthquake in San Francisco years ago that flattened the upper deck of the freeway onto the lower deck, trapping people in a tomb for miles. Let's face it, in nature...shit happens. All you can do is survive and pick up the person next to you and keep going.

One step at a time...

Andi in Haiti

My friend Tracy has kids the same age as mine and they all went to school together in Angels Camp. Her daughter went to Haiti to help with the clean up with a group a couple of weeks ago. She has sent some amazing pictures out. It's unbelievable the rubble those people are living in. Shanty towns and whatever shelters the people can put together are everywhere.

It may be hard for her to be there right now but the impact it's going to have on her life will last forever.

I'm so proud of her!

Sights, sounds and smells of Spring

The days have most definitely changed to predominantly Spring like weather, with more days than not being warmer, brighter and sunnier than most.

There's a hopefulness in the air, long dormant after the stifling relentless cold of winter. Waking up after the hibernation of the soul is refreshing. It seemed slow and subtle then all of a sudden you realize the new beginnings have arrived while you've been sleeping, creeping up on you while you were busy dreaming. Like it or not the world seemed to change during the dormancy.

New life seemed to spring up out of nowhere. Kittens born, birds migrated, flowers bloomed all while you were sleeping, wrapped up in your own little world. Chickens begin laying eggs now that it's warm enough, grass and plants grow like they've saved all their energy throughout the winter just to let loose at this moment to overwhelm a person in the healing color of green and every color the first flowers can put forth. And all with no struggle at all, their energy bursting through just to cheer you on! There's no need to give up when nature has this recharging system of boosting your life back to living..again.

It's refreshing to know the built in anti-depressants of nature are working on cue..just for you. As if you are the only spectator in this grand display, and they produce it willingly, eagerly only to coax you out of your shell to let you know that, yes, life goes on and it's more brilliant than the year before.

Yes...this will be a wonderful year. It always is but it's easy to forget with the stagnancy of sitting out the long winter, holed up...waiting for better things.

Better things are there if only the eyes and senses open up to the slap in the face nature brings this time of year. They're like saying, "Hellloooo!!!! It's been awesome all along! Where have you been?!"

Today at lunch I saw an eagle flying so high it was almost lost in the clouds. The breeze was enough down below but it soared higher than that, on a level of atmosphere that it was more comfortable with, and quite masterfully I might add. It was a beautiful sight and the thought of what it was thinking about the view so far below was a very thought provoking experience. It must've felt quite a separateness from the world but at the same time a oneness. Distance is superficial when one is an eagle. It's all a matter of tilting the wings a certain way and there it would be to meet up with the world below, if it so chose.

It was a warm day today and then it rained this evening, leaving a foggy mist floating off of the pavement. Fireworks were going off at the University because of a big track meet in Shawnee. No shooting stars but I looked, of course.

The kids are settling into their new home next door, Cassie will be coming home soon. Randall is in a new beginning time and we have yet to see when he comes back home.

Sharon, the momma kitty has move her kittens to the tractor shed, keeping them safer in her mind at least. Bambi moo's at the fence when she see's me, calling for some attention. She's got plenty of pasture to graze on but I imagine the loneliness of having it all to herself can be a bit lonely at times. We do what we can for her.

Tomorrow is another day at work then off Monday and Tuesday. I'm feeling amazingly better now, and after another birthday to reflect on where I'm at at this moment in life am feeling the refreshing renewal of spring giving me strength to keep moving. The garden promises new growth as well as accepting change and dealing with it all.

It might take a little nurturing at times though.

Baby steps...

to get to the big girl steps...

:)