Near Death Experience

Well, it's been a while since I've written but you know how it is. Things happen, things change, new routines develop then all of a sudden you realize what should be most important in life has been put on the back burner.

One thing not on the backburner is love. At least on my side :). It's been an absolute happy time and I want the future to continue to grow and become even happier. I have very hopeful feelings about it all :)

The "near death experience" that I was referring to is the stagnant position we tend to settle into through work, life, our personal growth, etc. Think back of how many years we may have been telling ourselves "some day I will write a book about..", or "My talents in jewelry making could become such a successful business if only I..", or "with a little effort and getting a few classes out of the way a job change is within my reach..." It's not an unreachable task, none of those are unreachable tasks. It just takes taking the steps forward. And not just one step, many steps, perhaps some side stepping, backtracking, but any change has to start out with the first step.

Without taking a first step to get out of a rut we risk putting blame on other things for our own predicament. There is a talent in multitasking but if piling so much on your plate is a way hiding from doing what you want to do, then prioritize. The things that matter must come to the forefront. Love in life, love of life, love of family, love of spirit, those are the things that matter. Those are the things that matter. Not putting off a job change because it's the stable thing to to do. Make a change that will lift the blockages to the things that matter most.

Back to the near death experience. I have made a positive change in health as well as loving and living life more fully. Quitting smoking over three months ago (hopefully for the last time!) was the best thing I could've done for myself and for the ones I love. To live to see my future grandchildren, and who knows? Maybe someday I will have more children in the future. :) You never know. But a couple of days ago I had an allergic reaction to something, still not sure what the reaction was to, but woke up with my face swelled up like a red blueberry and covered in a rash. My eyes were almost swelled shut so Amber took me to the hospital. After seeing the doctor he ordered a shot in the hip and while waiting for the shot to kick in I could feel my throat swell more and more. The allergic reaction kept escalating, then finally I could feel some relief. My throat wasn't as swollen and breathing became easier.

What if Amber hadn't taken me to the hospital when she did? What if I had decided to stick it out and ignore it? The doctor gave me an epi-pen (an anaphylaxis shot kit to carry with me) and said if it happened again, use it and call an ambulance and do not wait! He was very serious and truthfully it scared me.

I have had a close encounter with lightening, and of course the close calls with stupid drivers, now this. It seems it's time to improve my quality of life now. I've come this far and it feels awesome. Now I'm almost a vegetarian, don't smoke, live happier and love happily, now the work and income aspect needs to improve. It will just take some work and some first steps. Life's too short to not be doing what you love while spending time with the ones you love.

Who knows what will happen. All I know is if no steps are taken to get out of my own rut I have no one to blame but myself. And all things are possible and many things are possible all at once. One doesn't have to sacrifice happiness in one area to gain it in another.

More meditation, more walks, more relaxing and less stressing about things that don't matter.

One step at a time...

Veterans Day

After some somewhat gentle reminders and nudges this blog seemed to be calling again. (Thanks Ron!) And there was this nagging post that has been wanting to get out in words and no better time than now I suppose.

Tomorrow is Veterans Day. Most of you know my son is in the army and my youngest daughter is in the navy. My nephew is in the air force... Cassie's ex-fiance is in marine boot camp at the moment..(so I'll be taking over the world soon.. muu- aah-aah-aah!!!) Oh..sorry..focus..

These kids are just the newest generation of so many that have gone before them. And seeing how young a graduating class of recruits are I'm sure older veterans see much younger faces in the crowds than when they were in. Surely they're bringing them in younger each year! ;)

Each generation joins for different reasons. Sometimes the economy is not so good and the military seems a safe and structured "job" during peacetime or otherwise. The promise of college being paid for is a strong incentive but certainly not the only reason for enlisting.

Going backwards in time to the waves of soldiers that invested their lives for their country all had different reasons. Individual and unselfish reasons for joining the ranks. Ask any soldier, they didn't do it for the money. Of course we could re-hash old wounds here about all the different wars. Was each war really worth it? It all seemed a good idea at the time but so much went on behind closed doors I doubt anyone will ever have all the answers to satisfy the ones who would like to blame specific individuals for each war or conflict or "police action". And I did not pay attention to this section of history in school (was probably drawing during class) so I won't pretend to be any sort of historian.

Peace and passivity are wonderful attributes. But what if all the countries and governments had kept that attitude when Hitler was rounding up Jews and invading and taking over countries in Europe during WWII? And The Great War? Wow! If that one had not turned out the way it did the world would be a completely different place! And the Civil War? The United States would not be united most likely. The Revolutionary War? The British are very nice people but ..well, we've always not liked to be told what to do. That's kind of in our nature :)

So people can bash every war, picking it apart like a carcass trying to find blame and point bony fingers of "It's his fault!" or "What were they thinking?" or "If no one picked up a gun, no one would get hurt!" But it has happened over and over throughout history, for better or worse. It's hard to hear that war actually can make things better but face it. Things could've turned out so much worse had young soldiers kept the peaceful and passive attitude that we'd all like to see the world in.

At work my store gives military discounts to soldiers and veterans. 10% off isn't much but it means something to be acknowledged. A couple of weeks ago a veteran came in and asked for his military discount but he had forgot his card. He also had 100% disabled veteran tax exemption so I said sure and gave it to him. He said "I worked very hard for that card." I said I'll bet you did and asked what war he served in. He told me he was in Vietnam and spent 2 years in a POW camp. Now it's not easy for soldiers to talk about the past like that so I knew to tread lightly as I coaxed his story out little by little. He said he was in a camp with many other soldiers like him and they beat him everyday for 2 years. I asked him what it was like when he got to come home and he said when he stepped off the plane he was spit upon by demonstrators. He had pain in his eyes as he was telling me this but said it all in a matter-of-fact voice like it was just something that happened. I asked if he had grandkids and did they know he went through all that? He said, "Oh no, this generation wouldn't understand." I said, "You should tell them. They need to know."

The line was getting long and reluctantly we had to say good bye. I shook his hand very firmly and looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you!" and he knew I didn't mean for shopping at Lowes. He smiled very big and left.

I love hearing about projects people do when they record stories of veterans. Their stories are only known to them and it's a great loss to all when we really don't know what veterans have gone through so we can demonstrate. I hope that veteran will tell his grandkids about it. He might be surprised at this new generation of soldiers. At least the ones I know are pretty bad-ass!

Just don't ever spit on a soldier. A hand shake and "Thank you" will do quite nice.

A Fantastic Summer

This summer has been filled with magic...walks in the woods, exploring natural springs with Don. Butterflies, dragonflies and fairies dancing in the moonlight...shooting stars, fireflies and all good things magical have been going on it seems all along. It just took all the right circumstances and timing to be noticed and appreciated :)

The Reason for Coming to Oklahoma

Sorry it's been so long since writing last. There'll be more catching up later but all has been great! (Fantastic really!) Getting things done around the place, getting out again and enjoying life (how ironic as I'm posting pictures of headstones!), well over the pneumonia and feeling much, much better these days, just busy. And happy :)

Cassie is back home next door living with Amber and Camaron. Cassie made it out of Pensecola, Florida just in time to keep a memory of pristine white sandy beaches, but with a faint smell of oil. I believe the oil clumps started landing a few days after she left.

Camaron graduated from pharmacy school as a doctor and should start working at the Indian clinic towards the end of the month. They are keeping the garden well taken care of and enjoying a little vacation for now. And Randall is still doing fine in the army. He just got his tattoo touched up (it needed something..) and he got another one but hasn't told me about it. I'll pretend to be surprised :)

Anyway, back to the point. Cassie had been away for quite some time thus most likely spent a lot of time thinking about home. After she had been here a week or so she came over with a bouquet of flowers and asked if I wanted to go with her to see Raymonds' grave. (Raymond is Randy's grandpa who was up in years and alone out in Oklahoma. When his health got bad we moved out here from California 10 years ago.)

It had been at least a couple of years since I had been to see it so we went. I'm not sure why it took this long. It's not like the drive is long, it just was one of those things that kept getting put off.

Cassie had thought about him a lot, knowing how proud Raymond would be of her joining the navy. All the kids would make him proud! She just wanted to see him and talk to him in her own way.

I did too. I have done a lot of whining over the years of being in a predicament of being out here without my family, especially after the divorce. But as the years go by it is turned to a half-hearted-semi-complaining. How in the world would my life be and the lives of my kids had we not made the move to come out here for Raymond? I love living in the country, having a spoiled cow, knowing my kids turned out so well and secure in their lives. And the chance to meet the people I have (especially recently) . Who knows how different life would be? I'm really done with whining about things. :)

What Cassie said to Raymond is her business, I didn't ask. What I told Raymond was thank you. A genuine heart felt thank you. And I think he smiled.

Glimpses from a thoughtful day

The Dance of the Fireflies

After many attempts this was the closest to capturing the fireflies on camera tonight.

You should've seen them! I would like to say there were thousands out tonight! Starting with the drive home after this long week, but the weeks seem longer nowadays for some reason.

They were like guiding me home, the drive that has been the same drive home for the past five years, only tonight they were out in full force. Like saying, "This way...lets play when you get home! We'll show you the way!"

They seem to know their home is offset from the house, out in the peace near ponds and away from the highway and house and dogs and cats. Playfully dancing to the music of crickets and bullfrogs and the nighttime birds. The warm, damp weather along with the weather settling down now ("It's safe to come out guys! The wind has stopped so lets party!")

It's like they made their own bonfire out of themselves out in the woods. Dancing, flying, swirling, scattering light in the most amazing episode of light display, showing off talents of creativity only a tribe of beings in the wild can produce. To be a spectator of the show was an honor tonight. To be included and even have the most curious of them barely creep close, for a glimpse of ME! While I tried so hard to record a glimpse of THEM to show the world! One picture out of all of them barely brushed the scene I saw tonight. It will have to do.

My own vision of the scene, even though it was so much more detailed than yours, doesn't do justice to the incredible display of light interacting with light. I couldn't see the process of interaction that was made between one light and another, and another, and another... The lights dancing over their own reflections on the ponds, trading partners to continue the dance until the right one came along...

Bullfrogs singing a baritone sound while crickets and whipporwils sing the high notes. The dance will continue until sunrise for sure. What a party! I would sleep in the hammock on the patio and listen to it all night if I weren't so tired.

It was enough to watch fireflies dance on a Saturday night to the best music of all!

I'm sure owls are watching from a distance.

G'night all! Hope there's lots of sweet dreams involved!

Sandy

Tornado Video

Hopefully this will work. All week has been bad but Monday was the worst for tornadoes. 37 officially counted right now and 2 deaths.

Amber was at home thankfully and got into the storm cellar with some friends when she heard the tornado sirens go off. No damage here though. I was at work when the tornado sirens went off and we immediately locked the doors and sent employees and customers to the back hallway (our "safe zone"). The managers stayed at the front and I heard later the vaccum from the wind was straining the doors in, then out, with only the locks holding them closed. It must have been right over us just not dropped down.

For hours one would pass by then we'd hear of another on the ground headed for us again. We were literally surrounded by them. Power kept flickering on and off and we had people lined up in the hallway that stayed for quite a while waiting it out. One couple stopped in from traveling down I40 and her mutantly giant cat got loose in the store! They eventually got it though.

After we reopened people began pouring in. Customer after customer saying their house had been taken out by a tornado, or their roofs ripped off scrambling to get plywood and tarps before the next storm hit. One guys' car windows were shattered from baseball size hail (yes, it really does get that big! My car has pit marks from golf ball size hail!) That night we just left the doors open until people stopped coming in. We didn't turn anyone away.

Being in retail it's become such a natural greeting while ringing up customers to say, "Hi! How're you doing?" (with a perky little smile) I've really got to change that. When a tired mom, buying batteries and flashlights, with all the kids since the schools don't have power, they haven't had water or electricity, even worse, lost their house... well, they look they give back says it all. So many people have been affected by this. Nerves are shot.

Yesterday there were still over 14,000 homes without power. Our store sold over 400 generators by mid afternoon. And on top of that, the local Walmart lost their power that Monday. The contractor that came to hook up the generator for them did it wrong and COMPLETELY fried the entire stores' electrical system! I heard it would be another two weeks before they could reopen but when I drove past today it looked like the doors were open but the building was dark.

A girl at work heard the sirens go off so she grabbed the cat and went into her storm cellar. Her neighbors came right after her, they door was sucked open, he shoved his wife in and had a hard time closing the door behind them then as soon as it was closed the tornado hit. Her two story house is now a one story pile of rubble. But at least they are all safe.

I just can't believe how scared people are out here of earthquakes but tornadoes are no problem because "at least you can get underground away from them." Then there's Haiti. And the earthquake in San Francisco years ago that flattened the upper deck of the freeway onto the lower deck, trapping people in a tomb for miles. Let's face it, in nature...shit happens. All you can do is survive and pick up the person next to you and keep going.

One step at a time...

Andi in Haiti

My friend Tracy has kids the same age as mine and they all went to school together in Angels Camp. Her daughter went to Haiti to help with the clean up with a group a couple of weeks ago. She has sent some amazing pictures out. It's unbelievable the rubble those people are living in. Shanty towns and whatever shelters the people can put together are everywhere.

It may be hard for her to be there right now but the impact it's going to have on her life will last forever.

I'm so proud of her!

Sights, sounds and smells of Spring

The days have most definitely changed to predominantly Spring like weather, with more days than not being warmer, brighter and sunnier than most.

There's a hopefulness in the air, long dormant after the stifling relentless cold of winter. Waking up after the hibernation of the soul is refreshing. It seemed slow and subtle then all of a sudden you realize the new beginnings have arrived while you've been sleeping, creeping up on you while you were busy dreaming. Like it or not the world seemed to change during the dormancy.

New life seemed to spring up out of nowhere. Kittens born, birds migrated, flowers bloomed all while you were sleeping, wrapped up in your own little world. Chickens begin laying eggs now that it's warm enough, grass and plants grow like they've saved all their energy throughout the winter just to let loose at this moment to overwhelm a person in the healing color of green and every color the first flowers can put forth. And all with no struggle at all, their energy bursting through just to cheer you on! There's no need to give up when nature has this recharging system of boosting your life back to living..again.

It's refreshing to know the built in anti-depressants of nature are working on cue..just for you. As if you are the only spectator in this grand display, and they produce it willingly, eagerly only to coax you out of your shell to let you know that, yes, life goes on and it's more brilliant than the year before.

Yes...this will be a wonderful year. It always is but it's easy to forget with the stagnancy of sitting out the long winter, holed up...waiting for better things.

Better things are there if only the eyes and senses open up to the slap in the face nature brings this time of year. They're like saying, "Hellloooo!!!! It's been awesome all along! Where have you been?!"

Today at lunch I saw an eagle flying so high it was almost lost in the clouds. The breeze was enough down below but it soared higher than that, on a level of atmosphere that it was more comfortable with, and quite masterfully I might add. It was a beautiful sight and the thought of what it was thinking about the view so far below was a very thought provoking experience. It must've felt quite a separateness from the world but at the same time a oneness. Distance is superficial when one is an eagle. It's all a matter of tilting the wings a certain way and there it would be to meet up with the world below, if it so chose.

It was a warm day today and then it rained this evening, leaving a foggy mist floating off of the pavement. Fireworks were going off at the University because of a big track meet in Shawnee. No shooting stars but I looked, of course.

The kids are settling into their new home next door, Cassie will be coming home soon. Randall is in a new beginning time and we have yet to see when he comes back home.

Sharon, the momma kitty has move her kittens to the tractor shed, keeping them safer in her mind at least. Bambi moo's at the fence when she see's me, calling for some attention. She's got plenty of pasture to graze on but I imagine the loneliness of having it all to herself can be a bit lonely at times. We do what we can for her.

Tomorrow is another day at work then off Monday and Tuesday. I'm feeling amazingly better now, and after another birthday to reflect on where I'm at at this moment in life am feeling the refreshing renewal of spring giving me strength to keep moving. The garden promises new growth as well as accepting change and dealing with it all.

It might take a little nurturing at times though.

Baby steps...

to get to the big girl steps...

:)

Here's a few pictures of the place on a good day. Lawn freshly mowed, smelling like fresh cut wild onions (or is it wild garlic? I think it's onions but not so sure now.) Either way, the chickens love the fresh cut grass. They're laying enough eggs to give away to close friends and family now. Every little extra is greatly appreciated by them.

Darla and Daisy play like best friends since I have custody of Daisy until Cassie comes home. Jason and Kirk are moved out now that the wedding's off. There seems to be a lingering electric bill that got the power turned off next door though. Since it's tied to my water well, that leaves me with power at my house, but no water and no electricity next door. Jason promised to get that taken care of tomorrow.

Amber and Camaron are fixing the place up and should be all moved in by the time Cassie gets home from "A school" from the Navy Reserve training she's been doing. It will be so nice to have them all close by again! Cassie is so ready to get home and Amber and Camaron are ready to get on with things now that he's graduating from pharmacy school. Heather (Cassies friend that she met in boot camp that decided to be stationed close to Cassie here in Oklahoma) has been coming over to visit me. It's been very nice to have the company and she's a doll! And Friday is my birthday so we are having a nice barbeque on Thursday since it's my day off... Yay!

Feeling so much better these days after the pneumonia and work is all back to normal. Crazy people are out in full force with the full moon at work so things are settling back to some normalcy. If there really is an actual "normalcy."

At least Amber has decided to make a garden work and there's more pictures of that on the way. A garden this big with someone else that has the drive to follow through will help so much. It's always nice to have fresh veggies but when you're doing all the work and everyone wants a share of the bounty...well that wears on you. And we have eggs...and a calf on the way (though that is going to be a hard decision to decide whether to butcher the calf or keep it. I'll be thinking on that one...)

Hope ya'll have a fantastic day!

Sandy

Arts Festival

OMG! What a wonderful day! Still more pictures to share but Amber and I went to the Oklahoma City Arts festival today. The weather couldn't have been better, it was almost hot in the afternoon.

We got there around lunchtime and had umpteen food booths to choose from! I've had my heart set on trying something curry since I've never had it before so chose the Indian food booth. Amber tried the Orient Express booth and we both shared with each other.

The smells were amazing! The crowds were incredible for a Friday with all the downtown workers infiltrating during the lunch hour. The only seating we found was next to a homeless guy who talked to himself but was quite harmless. My food was good but really too much for my appetite so I went to throw the rest away and that's when William stopped me. He said, "No..no..wait.. if you're going to throw it away I'll take it!" So I gave it to him and apologized for not thinking to offer him any before. He shook my hand and asked my name and said his name was William. He thanked me and I patted his shoulder.

Me and Amber went back to the food booths and bought him a gyro so he'd have something to eat later. I offered him cigarettes but he said no thank you, he still had some. And that smile he gave me made the whole day worthwhile on top of it all...

The people wandering around were awesome to look at. The art booths geared to the wealthy so I didn't come home with any souveneers this time. But Amber and I had a $7 glass of wine together (I thought I was buying a bottle and she said under her breath that it was per cup!) Oh well...She didn't like her Merlot so I traded her for my Reisling. It was nice she was driving.

The wind art is one of my favorite inspirations! Especially in this windy area and working at Lowes I always want to make a try at sculpting wind art. It can be done ... it's all in the balance..

Stopped at a Sam's Club on the way home, stocked up on groceries. The sun is just now setting... No tornadoes in our area for the time being (the season is here!) Hoping to go to San Antonio in June and check out the Riverwalk, Japanese Gardens and maybe the Alamo.

Aaaahhh...today was really a good day...

Hope yours is as well!

Sandy

OKC arts Festival

This was an awesome day spent with Amber! I picked curry chicken from the Indian food booth. It was awesome!

Monarch Butterflies

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/03/30/eveningnews/main6348230.shtml

Hope this works. This story is very interesting. Every year butterflies pass through here on their migration but nothing like the swarms of them in the video. Sometimes I have looked out and wondered why leaves were blowing through the air this time of year then realized it was butterflies scattered in the breeze. They all tend to go a certain direction though randomly stopping along the way. I have a tree that butterflies LOVE and it's beautiful to see it covered with so many species.

Just thought I'd share..

Have a great day!
Sandy

Feeling better,,. sorta

Damn!

What a rough last couple of weeks...

Pneumonia has really kicked my ass! But not totally. Lost some wages with the time off but thank goodness for moms! It's going to be do-able now.

Being laid up, not knowing if I'd have a job to come back to, finding out they were being much more understandable about the situation, and accommodating too ( Human resources director figured out how to slide in as many vacation days, paid holidays, and sick time that he could) so I only missed out on about one week's worth of work. Not a bad outcome for living paycheck to paycheck and not foreseeing an obstacle like this.

Work has let me sit down and take a rest any time I needed, been completely understanding and are acting like my other family that I have thought of them since being out here in Oklahoma, away from California.

But it has been hard being out here alone.

Today is a much better day though. Planting flowers tomorrow and making the patio look nice will be good medicine. Maybe I will feel good enough to mow the lawn but we'll see how far I get. I will barbeque that chicken and things will be looking nice for whichever kids show up.

:)~

Looking forward to it all...

Sandy